You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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