is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
