It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
