whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
