I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
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The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize