I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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