I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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