Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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