He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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