i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
