i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
