your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
