The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
