There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
