You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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