That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
