I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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