im drinking this country out of the recession.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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