We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
