my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
