just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Randomize
