I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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