I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
