with your own penis?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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