Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
