it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
