Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
