therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
