how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
