I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
