PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
