sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
