I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
God, I missed his penis.
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