i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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