Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
