We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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