We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
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I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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