i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
