Its about making memories worth repressing
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
