Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
