Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
