How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
