What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
