Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
