Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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