so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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