dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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