Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
