do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize