I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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