i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
