So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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