i don't like sucking hair
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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