I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
