Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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