you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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