I heard we made out
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
