I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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