watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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