ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
