she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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