I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
