I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
vagina is talking i cant
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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