based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
