every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
