Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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