I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
