The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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