i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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