he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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