We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
