Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
