I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
