fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
