She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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