Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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