Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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