i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
