this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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